Herr'cane Names

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Hurricane Names Current mood: argumentative Here's a brain fart I've been sitting on for a while now. You know what they say about holding farts in, right? You shouldn't do it because then they travel up your spine, into your brain, and that's where shitty ideas come from. That was a joke, people. Shitty ideas come from Congress, not holding farts in. Anyway, now that Hurr'cane Season '08 is (almost) completely behind us, I feel it's safe to speak out on something that's bothered me since...2005, and that's the assignment of human names to potentially deadly weather events. Quite simply, I don't think it should be done, and because this is my blog, I'm going to tell you why, and yes I will show my work. For background info, see the following Wikipedia article that explains the naming of North Atlantic Storms Wiki - Storm Names info. It'll help. So where was I? Oh yeah. Here we go: 1. We don't name any other weather event. Think about it...have you ever heard of a Tornado being referred to by a name? How about Nor' Easters? Tsunamis? Nope. All are capable of causing great destruction and loss of life and property, but none are ever given human names. Why should hurricanes be any different? 2. Giving human names to something that is potentially linked to death and destruction isn't really fair to folks walking among us with the same (or similar) name. Case in point: Katrina. I've known a young lady named Katrina for about a dozen years now, since she was a bratty high school kid with braces. She has since grown into a wonderful young lady, and I don't really think she has a hateful bone in her body. Yet after the events of 2005 her name is now indelibly (and unwittingly) linked to the deaths of over 2000 people, human suffering of epic proportions, and property losses in the hundreds of billions of dollars. After the storm hit she said "Two weeks ago people couldn't even spell my name, and now everyone says 'Oh...like the hurricane.'". She now goes by "Kate". At least they retired the name "Katrina" so she'll never have to face this again, right? Wrong. You see, next year (2009) you'll note that "Kate" is the designated "K" letter. She just can't win. Also, I have a neighbor named Gustav. I didn't know that until my wife made me attend our block's version of "Night Out Against Crime" (which is another rant for another day). He seemed like a nice enough guy. Family man, keeps his house up, doesn't junk up the neighborhood. Well luckily this year Hurricane Gustav was more of a nuisance than anything else to us here in LA, but still, he's now linked in the minds of many to long evacuation trips, expensive hotel stays, crappy shelter conditions, etc. 3. People don't take seriously something so deadly when it's named after the guy that bags your groceries. I'm sorry, but as much of a weather geek as I am, I don't feel any sense of danger from "Hurricane Gabrielle". Sounds like a damn Disney princess. If they want folks to pay attention, and to get that sense of impending danger to they'll take personal responsibility for once and not depend of the guv'mit to drag their sorry asses out of harms way...sorry, I went on a tangent there. Anyway, if they must use names for these storms, why not use something like "Slagador" or "Death Cloud From Hell" or "yo ass is gonna drown if'n you don't get in that '89 Cutlass with the snap-on spinner hub caps you get at the Wal Marts because yo broke ass can't afford real 24" Dubs and git the fuuuuck outta town!". I can tell you this...if the Weather Gnome (Bob Breck) gets on the teevee and starts yelling about "Hurricane Pit Bull", I'm going to take notice. (NB-There is absolutely nothing wrong with or bad about Pit Bulls. I was merely going for the connotative connection, not implying in any way, shape, or form that pit bulls are any more or less dangerous than other dog breeds) So there's 3 reasons. I can provide more, but it's lunch time. In the meantime, be sure to check out the band No Fuego and their awesome song "KKKatrina". No Fuego is one of the (very) few bands I ALWAYS enjoyed working with, and they're even opening up for the Dropkick Murphy's at the HoB in November. "KKKatrina" is probably my favorite song about that damn storm, followed closely by "We've Got Each Other" by The Imagination Movers. Shut up. I like 'em, the boy likes 'em, they're local guys, and it ain't fucking Barney or Elmo. *shudder*